God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
