dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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