I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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