Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
