I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
