I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
