What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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