you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
As shirtless as possible
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
