I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
