Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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