I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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