I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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