Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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