His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
