I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
