i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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