i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
