we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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