He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
