Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
