oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
