just survived the first fart of the relationship.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
