It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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