she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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