Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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