she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
