We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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