when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
