Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
