When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
