Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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