She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
