The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
