when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
