Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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