i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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