No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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