Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
