you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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