marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
