Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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