I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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