Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I supernannyed him into submission
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
