Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
