Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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