just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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