I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
