dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
