That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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