Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
