i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
