he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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