someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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