I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
