So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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