dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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