then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
