i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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