Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
