I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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