I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
